I got the blues...

“Executive Dysfunction Blues” (or “Inertia Blues”)

[in the usual blues form]

………………………………

[da dun da dun]

The sink’s full ‘o dishes

[da dun da dun]

And they ain’t clean

[da da dun dun]

I must get out

[da dun da dun]

from behind this computer-machine

[da dadada...]

I got the blues
the executive dysfunction blues
Got cobwebs on my feet
Won’t be gettin’ up real soon

[da dun da dun]

Why’d I come here?
This kitchen’s a mess
I wanted something…
I’ll remember it later …maybe, I guess?

[chorus]

Like I was sayin’
…uh, what was I sayin’?
I had a point
It was probably a good one — my brain can disappoint!

[chorus]

I can’t find my kitchen
or my feet
how the heck
am I going to find somethin’ to eat?

[chrous]

Just one more click
no more research today
I’ll stop real soon
at least that’s what I’ll say…

[chorus]
[end]

© 2010 eighttwo@sonic.net

Application for position: “Death Panelist”
Job description: Will decide which members of society are to be killed.

Name: __________________
DOB: __/__/__

Questions:

You believe that Sarah Palin is:
a) a genius
b) too cerebral
c) America’s savior from liberal socialist Nazi fascist communists (who are probably also gay)

Your preferred source of news is:
a) Fox News
b) Fox News
c) Fox News

Do you believe the Earth is:
a) flat
b) round
c) other (please explain ____________________)

A “living will” is:
a) what animates zombies
b) a contract which legally compels a person to die
c) a document in which the signer states wishes regarding medical treatment in the event that he or she becomes mentally incapacitated.

The Future of Obamerica

Obama is attempting to turn Medicare into a government-run program!

This is an outrage.  We must not let this happen,  it imperils us all.  Next thing,  we’ll be eating government cheese,  have no guns,   and be calling our mandatory gay spouses “comrade.”

Get your guns and go to the town hall.  And don’t be a pansy and not load your gun,  or engage the safety,  or carry on an empty chamber.   That would just be silly.  Listen to this guy,  he’s got it right:

Actual image of Obama "Death Panel"

And then he’s going to kill her.

Barak Obama hates the elderly, and now he is in a position to do something about it. Sarah Palin, our savior from the liberal, gay, socialistic, Nazi, fascist, communists has used her keen intellect to discern the evil plan being sold to us under the guise of “health care reform.”

No politician in history has ever before taken on the formidable over 55 voting block by trying to kill them off.  This must be the audacity he was talking about!

Ok, now the details:

The Death Panels are mandated to occur every 5 years — or less is one is elderly or ill. They will involve a panel consisting of 1) a government doctor, 2) someone to hold you down, and 3) an executioner. The “counselling” will take place at the top of a large building, yet to be constructed, called the Tower of the Sun (liberal architect Joe Teotihuacán is rumored to have been commissioned to design it).

The elderly and infirm will line up at the bottom of the steps and slowly proceed upwards, eventually to be judged worthy or not of continued life. As they ascend, rivers of blood from the unworthy will spill past on both sides in “blood channels” cut into the steps (the blood eventually drains into the reflecting pool in front of the Washington monument).

The “living will counselling” (a.k.a.  euthanasia) is performed by using a sharp rock to split open the chest cavity. Then, the still beating heart is removed and held up toward the sun, so that the president may take a bite out of it.

This is change you can believe in?

Well, obviously. We all know the truth. For the doubters, read this. For a more biased and blasphemous explanation, read this.

(AP) Secretary of the Treasury Hank Pauson today announced his decision to spend the remaining $350 billion of the $700 billion bailout not on buying “distressed assets”, but rather on buying spongecake. When asked why Paulson responded, “’cause I feel like it. And what are you gonna do about it, loser?”

America’s $700 billion bailout of Wall Street contained a little noticed clause: the re-institution of slavery. This may sound alarming, but this isn’t your great-great-great grandfather’s slavery.

America is heading for hard times, and if ever there was a time to sacrifice for one’s country, it’s now. Many of us aren’t brave enough to go fight our enemies in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Pakistan, Russia, Turkey, France, Spain, Venuzula, Bolivia, Ukraine, China, and San Francisco, but no less important and patriotic is our duty to save the Wall Street. Ask yourself, if you saw a CEO on Wall Street laying on the sidewalk, bloody and broken, would you really step on his throat?

Welcome to the nü-slavery, not the racist slavery of yesterday — all races will be eligible and welcome. And gay, straight, bi, or transgendered will make no difference. There will be no discrimination, and that means that it’s all about self-determination.

Now, those worried that this may become a permanent state of affairs need not worry: the free-market insures maximal freedom (indeed, no civilization in history has ever profited from slavery for more than a thousand years) we are assured that once the economy recovers, slavery will become less and less profitable until it naturally ceases. Once again, the genius of the free market.

Slavery has long suffered from a image problem. African-Americans in chains, sweatshop workers chained to sewing machines, children chained in diamond mines, “white slaves” chained inside brothels. The chains, the locked fire-doors, the beatings — all of these occur because of government interference. Without all the present red tape from the FDA, the Constitution, and international law, industry would be free to implant shock chips(1) and psychotropic pellets(2). The need for chains and violence would vanish.

ShockChip®

(Reuters) The Department of Defense, in conjunction with Microsoft, has developed new ShockChip® technology for use in the new economy. The chips are implanted under the skin, near the brain. Using GPS, a cell phone transceiver, brain-wave monitor, and random number generator, it periodically sends a signal to keep subjects on-task. It works by sending a small electrical impulse via implanted needles into the brainstem, thalamus, and frontal lobes. This mild current stimulates autonomic, receptive (pain), and identity centers of the brain, resulting in a prompt cessation of non-compliant activity. Some peripheral effects, such as violent bowel and bladder evacuation, seizure, amnesia, and loss of identity are normal and harmless.

Shock Chip Jr.® for children is slated for delivery the first quarter of 2009.

Wall Street hailed the announcement today, sending Microsoft stock up 7%.

Some industry leaders are wasting no time in gearing up for this important change in the economy. Walmart is working on an new plan where employees may indenture themselves and/or their children to Walmart. Incentives include a termination of health care benefits for non-indentured employees.

Goldman Sacks and Bank of America have innovated a new market to trade in slave futures contracts on elderly, infirm, and child slaves. McDonalds, Costco, and Best Buy have instituted employee stock programs where employees may buy stakes in futures contracts on themselves.